Do you deal with people who have super EGOs. People who think they are always right ? People who think only they know what is good for you and may be for the entire UNIVERSE ? May be it is your boss at office (manager or the business owner) who goes around croaking how good they are and how less you are ? I understand you. It is something very common in the corporate sector and one which people hear about all the time.
Here is the other side to the story. The dangerous side. When you fight someone's ego, you develop your own ego as well. You become so obsessed with wanting to see this other person whom you are fighting to be WRONG, you end up DEVELOPING YOUR OWN EGO.
And this can spread not only to your battles with that individual but to others as well.
Years ago one company I used to work, there was this manager. Even his Good morning was one filled with condemning of the other as if to say "Hey my morning is better than your morning" . Even when a common topic was discussed he would speak in a manner that you look bad and not good in it and he knows it all. Yes he became a sight of despise. I could not stand him. And when ever I knew I would meet him face to face on a particular day, I would prepare, way more than I would prepare for my work or meetings or anything, I would prepare for the FACE-OFF to have my facts ready and tell him off. I became angry every time I saw him, the mere fact that he would happy over something made me annoyed because I would think "Damn IT. His EGO has WON. I cannot let that happen" No matter what he would do I would see an error, and sometimes it even made me happy to see him fall or get something WRONG. I would be like : "YES !!! His EGO failed. WooHoo"
If you are thinking , "Wait isn't Tharindu developing an EGO here himself?" just continue to READ.
Then in one of the NLP (the science of positive thinking & communication) break-through sessions where we were asked to review our internal thoughts , I realized that all this was drawing me further away from whom I should really be. Someone exceptional in the work I do. Instead it was making me focus on this petty battle. And over a time I had also got more defensive that with many others I used to work, I have started a similar process of being ready to defend, not being open to their suggestions, always believing that I am RIGHT and that the others are WRONG. But I was initially just someone battling another one individual with an EGO. How did I get to this point ?
The answer is simple. It takes a STRONG EGO to BATTLE ANOTHER EGO. And over a time by battling out with another person's EGO, one develops an EGO by himself. That is what happened to me as well. I had developed an EGO myself. One that was keeping me away from what my focus should be.
And that makes you some what similar to the one you were fighting. It spreads to all other dealings you have and it puts you in a negative state of mind. Where you see anyone who may differ on your opinion as someone who is against you. Because you are so focused on defeating that EGO maniac you were battling, you begin to see it every where. You even feel good when YOU are RIGHT and someone else is WRONG. So in short through your preparation to battle an EGO, you may defeat a certain encounter with him / her but in reality his EGO has taken over your energy, your time, your effort and as a result you've lost more than you've gained.
So, best advice, avoid EGO battles. Let them have their EGO and you can have your life. A Better life. Every time you see some one's EGO talking, walk away (or in the case of your boss- listen to it) and smile it off. Life has too many opportunities to be explored and too little time to waste on battling with someone's EGO. You may win that battle but you are sure to loose the war. This is not the easiest of mind sets to prepare. But it is the RIGHT one.
Your life's purpose is not to battle someone's EGO. It is to achieve greatness in what you do. It is to get to the top of your chosen field. It is to change the lives of others to the better. And an EGO battle keeps you away from it, drains you from the energy and shifts your focus from where it should be.
Let's make a CREED. I call it the 30-day no EGO challenge - For the next 30 days do not allow any EGO battle get into your head. Deal with people as they are, even when you see an EGO talking, choose to laugh it off. Listen and then keep moving forward, focused on your life, on being great in what you do. Let me know if you see a difference in your life. I bet you will ? Let me know how it changed your life because I am sure it will.
Good Luck. Let the challenge begin.
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